


if only i'd seen this world differently (maybe i will someday)

by thewoundupbird



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Dystopian future AU, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:08:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29167812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewoundupbird/pseuds/thewoundupbird
Summary: Falling in love is impossible once you're entered into the marriage registry and assigned your marriage match.But not for Joohyun and Seulgi.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi
Comments: 24
Kudos: 109





	1. have you ever been in love?

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to the seulrene idea that just wouldn't go away! special thanks to my dear friend sophs for beta reading and to holcene for encouraging this thing into existence. i recommend listening to the song No One Knows by Se O while reading!

**Day 376**

Seulgi stares at the stack of documents in front of her. Paper is a rarity these days. Everything is digitized including books, newspapers, and even wedding certificates. But divorce documents are physical. Is it a revenge of sorts, Seulgi wonders, that divorcees have to painstakingly sign page after page of critical rebukes for incompatibility with their perfect match?

Swallowing, Seulgi chances a glance at Joohyun who sits properly, legs folded at the ankle and hands carefully placed in her lap. When Seulgi raises her eyes, the other woman is staring right back at her. That morning Seulgi had watched as she’d carefully applied a dark shade of lipstick, hesitating before putting on a jacket that Seulgi had complimented a few months ago. She’d purposely avoided Seulgi’s gaze through the mirror.

But now she looks right at her, eyes a little red-rimmed and her jaw just tense enough that Seulgi can tell Joohyun is on edge.

It’s a wonder what you can learn about a stranger you’ve lived with for nearly a year.

Like, as Seulgi pulls her eyes away to look back at the low-level government employee thumbing through the thick stack of documents, Joohyun lets out a shuddering breath because she’s trying to maintain control of her emotions. And the way she leans forward and asks a measured question about some of the legal language is to avoid looking at Seulgi.

Seulgi sighs again as she looks down at her hands. She has cried so much these past few days since she asked Joohyun for a divorce. She doesn’t know what she’ll do if she starts again. The worst part is seeing Joohyun as Seulgi cries, the other woman’s face contorting horribly as she stands still and resists the urge to do something.

“Kang Seulgi-ssi?”

“Y-yes?” she asks, shifting forward in her chair with a polite smile. The man in front of her gives a nod as he taps an ancient-looking pen at the first stack of papers.

“I asked if you have any feedback for the Bureau of Marriage Matching? The BMM is very keen to maintain its 98.6% success rate with our matches.”

“I…” Seulgi lapses into silence as she sees Joohyun shift subtly out of the corner of her eye.

“Not really.”

“But you were the one who requested the termination of the marriage match, correct?”

“Yes.”

“And the reason you cited for termination was, and I quote, ‘I am not happy in this marriage.’ Is this still correct?”

Seulgi licks her lips, trying to ignore the quivering breath from Joohyun. She knows if she looks at the other woman she’ll break.

“Yes. That is correct.”

“You know, that’s the one thing my Bureau isn’t equipped to fix. We can help you with the best fertility experts, marriage counselors, and conflict mediators in South Korea but happiness…” the government employee gives a wan smile that Seulgi tightly returns. 

“You can’t help what you don’t feel,” Joohyun comments lightly, uncrossing her legs. Seulgi swallows and tries to continue to stare ahead.

“I’m sorry for inconveniencing the BMM. I know it’s a lot of work to maintain the databases and run all the algorithms.”

“It is, unfortunately. A terrible amount of work. But at the end of the day if you aren’t happy with your match then that’s a failing on our end. Maybe your perfect match is a foreigner which definitely wouldn’t be included in our database!”

Seulgi has to actively fight the way her smile trembles. She rapidly blinks back tears as she just nods along.

“Well, we will need you two to sign these stacks, and then we can begin the termination process.”

“Is there a chance of this not being approved?” Joohyun asks quietly.

“We have a panel that evaluates termination requests on a rolling basis. Of course, there are exceptions but normally the ‘unhappiness reason’ is very rarely opposed. We can give you the perfect environment and person but at the end of the day you evaluate your feelings. Not us!”

Seulgi lets out a sigh of relief and hates that she knows Joohyun is watching her, taking in the action and internalizing the implication.

“And, Bae Joohyun-ssi, you don’t have any objections to this termination request being filed?”

“No. I…” Seulgi glances at Joohyun and finds herself unable to look away. “I just want my wife to be happy. And if a divorce does that for her… how could I say no?”

**Day 1**

Seulgi is nervously cracking her knuckles as she rides the subway to work. She stares out the window, seeing her tired face reflected right back at her in the dark tunnel. And then the subway pulls into her station and she braces herself for the rush of people that try to push her from getting out. She clutches her purse to her chest as she wades past the desperate commuters, sliding on a mask in preparation for the high levels of yellow dust outside. As she shuffles up the escalator, she can hear the faint background of the daily population growth report.

“- _happy to report a slight increase today going from -5.678% to -5.342%! The Choi Administration would like to congratulate the BMM for their efforts to improve South Korea’s-”_

Seulgi slips in her wireless earbuds as she quickly taps her phone against the automated till. She nearly trips as she practically runs up the escalator in her haste.

“Call Sooyoung,” she mutters into her earpieces, tapping twice for emphasis. Seulgi sighs in relief when she hears a dial tone. The morning meeting hasn’t started if Sooyoung hasn’t turned off her phone yet.

As Seulgi hustles past a _ddeokbokkie_ stand, she hears a click.

_You’re going to be late, aren’t you?_

“Yeah. Probably 3 minutes if I can make this light.”

_Well you better hurry. If Principal Song notices you’re late she may make all the short-term teachers do that conduct training again._

“I said I was sorry!”

Seulgi can hear Sooyoung give an exasperated sigh on the other end of the phone.

_Just get here soon, okay?_

“Mm, see you in a bit!”

Seulgi squints ahead at the light, seeing the blinking walk sign warning of a light change. She adjusts her bag over her shoulder and sprints, hurtling past similarly hustling primary school students. They all run towards the gates. Seulgi gives a quick greeting to the security guard before shuffling to the main building.

Purse slapping against her side, Seulgi rushes down the empty hallway to the classroom at the end. She practically slides to a halt, tearing off her mask and tossing her headphones into her purse quickly. And then she takes a breath. She pauses, smoothing out her hair and the collar of her rumpled button-down. With one last sigh, she slides open the rickety wooden door as quietly as she can, bending down to hide her head behind the seated backs of the entire faculty.

“-report of trying to keep an eye out for the bullying of kids with unmatched parents. We try to… Miss Kang is that you? Did you _just_ get in?”

Seulgi’s shoulders slump as all the teachers stare at Seulgi awkwardly squatting in the back next to a shelf of wooden cubbies. She rises to her full height, hugging her purse to her chest.

“I’m sorry, Principal Song.”

“Miss Park?”

Seulgi tries to avoid Sooyoung’s eye contact before the other woman turns to face Principal Song.

“Can you coordinate a group watch of the conduct video with the rest of the short-term teachers? By the end of this week, please.”

Seulgi ducks her head and stares at her shoes as she feels the irritated stares of her colleagues from all angles. 

“Oh, and Miss Kang?”

“Yes?”

“Come to my office after this meeting. I need to speak to you about an urgent matter.”

“Y-yes, Principal Song.”

Seulgi swallows as she takes a seat in a vacant chair in the back by herself, staring into space. She’d been a short-term teacher for the first and second graders at this elementary school for nearly two years. Being contracted is definitely better than being unemployed but only just. No job security, none of the benefits of being a public school teacher with a government pension. Any of the official job openings have been passed to more well-connected teachers that either went to better schools or knew Principal Song’s friends.

At least she can commute from her parent’s house and save money that way. But if she can’t get a secure job from this school by the end of the year should she look for work elsewhere? Seulgi shifts in her seat, cracking her knuckles under the table.

She’d given up doing her work holiday in Europe to graduate from college early and get a job. Seulgi sighs a little wistfully as she thinks of the posters of Austria and France hanging in her room, the corners flopping from the sticky tape that has started to weaken over the years. Maybe if this school doesn’t give her work, she should take time off and go live abroad for a while? But she’d been saying that to herself since last year. She’s just as likely sticking with this exhausting temporary position until she’s fifty.

“Miss Kang?” 

Seulgi jerks her head up and sees that the teachers are getting up from their seats. The meeting must have ended. She rises and follows the rest of the teachers out of the hallway. Pausing outside the door, she waits for Principal Song to slowly make her way over to her, navy blue blazer immaculate and not a hair out of place from her chin-length bob.

“Why were you late this time?” she mutters out of the corner of her mouth as she walks ahead, Seulgi following meekly behind.

“One of my cats escaped onto the balcony and my father and I had to get her back inside.” Seulgi still has a headache from the yowls of the cat coupled with her father’s urgent shouts. Her mother had been yelling angrily from behind her about being late to work but Seulgi had been too concerned about Lulu being trapped.

“That is the most absurd excuse I have ever heard, and I’ve been an educator for nearly thirty years.”

Seulgi just bows her head even though Principal Song can’t see her. They make their way up a flight of stairs and past the staff lounge to the spacious principal’s office. It’s nearly the size of the entire teacher’s lounge, Seulgi thinks enviously. As she takes in the familiar framed pictures of the school over the years and a few photos of Principal Song shaking hands with the Minister of Education and the Mayor of Seoul, Seulgi realizes that they aren’t alone.

Sitting with her back to the door is a woman. Seulgi watches curiously as she rises to stand as Principal Song closes the door behind them. Although she is small, there is something commanding about her stiff posture and large brown eyes. They move slowly up and down Seulgi, the gaze so sharp that she fights the urge to cover her dark dress slacks with her hands. There definitely is some cat fur she missed when she rushed out of her house this morning.

“Miss Kang, this is Bae Joohyun.”

They bow to each other and Seulgi watches curiously as Principal Song gestures for Seulgi to take a seat on the plush leather chairs near her desk.

“Thank you for letting me speak to Miss Kang on such short notice.”

“It’s no trouble! Please tell your mother hello for me. I haven’t seen her since that volunteer event your company helped support.”

“I will.”

Seulgi shifts in her seat, trying to not sink too much into the cushion. She puts her hands on her knees and vaguely feels like she’s being evaluated by Principal Song and this intimidating stranger. Seulgi can barely handle looking at her without tensing up with nerves.

“Hello,” the woman says to Seulgi. She swallows and gives her a nervous smile.

“Hello.”

They look at each other for a long moment and Seulgi takes in the fall of this woman’s hair delicately over her collarbones, the expensive blazer jacket draped over her shoulders, and her pale hands folded in her lap.

“I apologize for coming without warning. I received a notice that we both need to go to visit Sejong-si as soon as possible.”

“S-sejong-si?” Seulgi frowns. That city held all of South Korea’s government agencies and ministries. Why would she need to go with this stranger all the way there?

As if reading the expression on Seulgi’s face, the woman pulls a tablet from her expensive-looking bag. She slides the electronic device across the lacquered table between them. Seulgi frowns at the official-looking government seal at the top of the email. And then she sees the sender.

“The Ministry of Health and Welfare?”

Seulgi hastily reaches for the tablet and scrolls through the message.

_Congratulations, Bae Joohyun! The Bureau of Marriage Matching has found you a suitable match!_

Seulgi nearly drops the device on the table as she looks helplessly at the other woman in front of her. Seulgi had been born right around the time that the Bureau of Marriage Matching had been founded in a desperate attempt to improve the declining population in South Korea. Since the Bureau’s founding, all able individuals from the ages of 25 to 35 were required to be entered in a nationwide database to match people in marriages with strict childbearing deadlines.

It’s a nationwide effort, seeping into every aspect of Korean daily life despite how much Seulgi actively tries to avoid it.

“So, you’re here to inform me that we need to go to Sejong-si to be married?”

“It’s not that quick. This letter contains a government-mandated request for joint attendance at the Bureau of Marriage Matching’s Main Office for a consultation. I came today to ask permission from Principal Song to leave as soon as possible. The sooner we meet them, the sooner we can proceed.”

“Proceed?”

The woman’s red mouth twitches and Seulgi doesn’t know quite what to do with the curiosity she feels at the sight.

“Proceed with a potential match. If… if you’re willing.”

Seulgi blinks slowly, slumping back in her chair. She’s just turned twenty-eight and everything feels like it’s happening too fast. Marriage? Already? Taking a shaky breath, she glances at the woman looking expectantly at Seulgi with concerned eyes.

“Alright,” she says before she realizes her mouth can form words. “I’ll go with you today. If I’m able to take leave despite the two classes in the afternoon?” Seulgi throws a concerned glance at Principal Song who immediately nods.

“Of course! Of course. Please let me know if you need more leave, Miss Kang. And don’t forget to tell your mother I said hello, Joohyun-ssi.”

“Thank you.”

When Seulgi rises to her feet she feels almost a little light-headed. She doesn’t quite understand how she manages to get herself from the office, down a flight of stairs, and out to the driveway next to the school gates. She’s numbly just putting one foot in front of the other, barely keeping track of the woman trailing behind her. Then everything catches up to her all in a rush as she slows to a stop.

“Miss Kang?”

She blinks slowly as she looks over her shoulder. The other woman is even more doll-like up close, petite frame hidden by dark slacks and an oversized gray blazer. She realizes that she’s slightly shorter than Seulgi, only eye level due to shiny black heels.

“Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah. Sorry it’s just I’m a little…” Seulgi trails off, gesturing wordlessly with her hands. Her face feels hot and she realizes to her horror that she is a few moments away from tears.

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-eight. My birthday was in February.”

“I turned thirty-one a few days ago. I suppose this letter is my late birthday present.” Seulgi’s mouth twists up at the obvious joke. The smile makes the tension in the other woman’s shoulders lessen just a little. Seulgi watches as she reaches into her purse and hands over an embroidered handkerchief.

Seulgi sniffles as she dabs at the tears in the corners of her eyes, turning away so that she doesn’t have to see that face pinched slightly in worry. There is a long silence as Seulgi tries to calm her breaths and the woman just watches her. She wonders what sort of expression is on her face. Pity? Judgment?

But when Seulgi glances over, the woman’s face is open for a second before it shutters closed, morphing from concern into careful neutrality.

“Thanks. I just got a little overwhelmed,” she mumbles as she gives the handkerchief back to the woman with both hands, not quite able to meet her eyes.

“No problem. My car’s right here so we can just drive directly to Sejong-si.”

“Your car?”

Seulgi looks over her shoulder and sees a fancy foreign car with tinted windows parked in a premium spot usually reserved for school administrators. She thinks of Principal Song fawning over the other woman and tries not to roll her eyes. They walk to the shiny car and she tries not to thinks of her father’s car that is almost as old as she is.

“After you.”

Seulgi nods, shakily getting into the car without a second thought. She slides across the leather interior to the opposite window seat, swallowing. She glances at the front seat and realizes it’s a driverless car. Most of the high-end taxis in Seoul are autonomous vehicles but she rarely opted for one of them, preferring instead the talkative old men who smelled like cigarette smoke and carried on one-way conversations with her polite smiles.

The other woman leans over the center console and confirms an address in the navigation system on the dashboard. As the car begins to move ahead, Seulgi buckles her seatbelt and hears an identical click from next to her. She stares out the window, watching as the car practically glides to a stoplight. 

“Do you live in Seoul?”

Seulgi blinks in surprise at the sudden question.

“No, I commute from Ansan. On line 4.”

“Line 4?”

“It’s the name of the subway line.”

Seulgi glances over and sees the other woman frowning at her phone. She watches as she raises it up to Seulgi, displaying a map of Seoul’s subway system. Seulgi scoots forward, straining against the tension in her seatbelt to gently press her finger against a light blue line snaking toward the bottom of the image.

“It’s this one,” she says quietly. Seulgi doesn’t realize that the other woman is leaning forward to look at the picture as well and their faces are suddenly very close. If she wanted to, Seulgi could try to count her eyelashes. Instead, she swallows nervously and shifts back to her seat.

“I-I see.”

They lapse into a silence that lasts for the rest of their car ride.

**Day 4**

“So, the consultation went well?”

Seulgi sighs as she munches on the fish crisps at the dive restaurant she’s at with Byulyi. They both are looking at the holographic display menus projected from their table, tapping a button to toggle through the dishes. Seulgi bites her lip as she thinks about all the marriage-related files forcibly loaded onto her computer.

“Yeah, we just met together with a few counselors. They needed to confirm that the surveys we’d been completing since we entered the matching registry were truthful.”

“I remember that. Our consultation took forever because Yongsun-unnie couldn’t quite believe that she was matched with me.”

“But look at you guys now. Already have a baby.”

Byulyi smiles indulgently as she selects her dish, her menu disappearing into a flicker of pixels.

“Yeah, and when you have one, the BMM finally gets off your back. They’ll do monthly check-ins to make sure everything is going smoothly but those fade out to yearly appointments once your kid starts school.”

“Would you want to have another one?” Seulgi asks idly as she toggles between one dish and another in a splash of hyper-realistic colors.

“Maybe. It depends on what Unnie wants. I think I wouldn’t mind but work in the prosecutor’s office may be too difficult for raising two toddlers.”

“That is true. Police work isn’t easy either, Unnie.”

Byulyi shrugs, rubbing her shoulder with a small wince.

“I should have married a doctor instead of a lawyer. All she can do is yell at me when I get hurt.”

“You didn’t have a choice.”

Seulgi meets Byulyi’s eyes for a brief moment before she finally decides on her dinner and shuts off the menu.

“Are you still caught up on the whole… coincidence marriage thing?”

It isn’t impossible to marry for love. It happens. There even was a variety show documenting it. Seulgi had stayed up watching every episode when she was in high school, captivated by these people that were an anomaly to the normal trend of waiting until being matched by the algorithm. Seulgi remembers one night one of the interviewers from the panel had asked a pointed question to the newest couple.

“You know that despite the romanticized notion of coincidence marriages, they historically end in divorce at much higher rates than marriage matches. Do you have any thoughts on falling in love being something more fleeting than the tried and true algorithms tested by our government’s best scientists?”

The young couple had exchanged looks as the audience became silent. Finally, after a beat, one of them spoke.

“The way I feel for her… I can’t imagine a world where such a thing is _fleeting_. But in the end, isn’t love an imperfect choice? How can such a thing be predicted accurately by an algorithm?”

The show had been canceled shortly after that episode aired, and there were rumors that the young couple had fled to the United States after harassment from government officials and internet trolls alike.

“Seulgi-ya?”

“Oh, sorry, Unnie.” Seulgi blinks slowly, trying to regain her composure.

“Are you disappointed with your match?”

Seulgi shrugs as she crosses her arms over her chest, staring distantly at the table in front of them.

“She’s pretty. And she seems polite. I even have a picture.”

“Oh?”

Seulgi reaches for her phone in her purse, pressing a button for it to enlarge to a bigger size for optimal viewing. She thumbs to the right picture and holds it up for Byulyi to see.

It’d been an impulsive request at the very end of the consultation. Seulgi had insisted to take the subway back to Ansan and so they had lingered outside the large government building.

“Can I take a picture with you? So I can show my parents what you look like?”

She’d received a curious eyebrow raise at the question.

“If they search my name, they could find more flattering images, I’m sure.”

“Well, a picture is a memory too. It’s the first day we’ve ever met. And now we have to spend the rest of our lives together. Shouldn’t we capture that somehow?”

The woman’s lips pursed at the question, puzzled by the words like Seulgi had just spoken Polish to her. But with a shrug, she’d stepped forward, her front barely touching Seulgi’s back. Seulgi had leaned back a little as she lifted her phone up and snapped a picture.

“She’s really pretty, Seulgi-yah! Oh my god!” Seulgi watches curiously as Byulyi grabs her phone and zooms in for a better look.

“She is pretty.”

“What’s her name again?”

“Bae Joohyun.”

“Want me to run a background check on her?”

Seulgi smiles wanly as her phone is returned to her. She stares down at the image frozen in time. Her own face is a little stiff but there is something strangely effortless about the way the other woman- Joohyun- is looking at the camera. Is she used to having her picture taken, Seulgi wonders. She’s almost surprised that with a face like that, the other woman isn’t plastered all over every billboard and subway advertisement in Seoul.

“No, Unnie. I’m sure the BMM did a good job.”

“They do. You know, I had some serious doubts when I got my notice that I’d been paired with Yongsun-unnie. I know I only referred to her as that annoying crow from the prosecutor’s office before we were matched.”

Seulgi can’t help giggling a little as she thinks of the urgent phone call she’d gotten from Byulyi who’d been panicking about being paired with “that crow.” They’d gotten so drunk that night that they’d had to stay at a love hotel until they’d sobered up.

“You’d known Yongsun-unnie for how long before you matched with her?”

“Mm, nearly two years. I was a hotshot out of the academy and she was clerking for the prosecutor’s office. Even though we hated each other for most of our interactions I always thought she was impressive. She was yelling at me most of the time, but I learned later she just wanted me to be better. We really grew a lot before we got matched. Maybe that’s why the algorithm didn’t match us before we were ready.”

Seulgi watches the way Byulyi’s eyes get a little dreamy as she talks about Yongsun. Even though she’s not even in the room, Yongsun is there in the quiver of Byulyi’s voice and the curve of her smile.

“That must be nice to have fallen in love in your own way.”

“It’s not always easy, Seulgi-yah. We had to put a lot of work into our marriage too. Lots of yelling and communication for better or worse. But I think it’s worth it. It’ll be worth it for you, too.”

Seulgi mulls over those words for the rest of the night, even as she walks down to the subway station that will take her home. She’s tipsy as she almost staggers down onto a bench, waiting for the next subway to arrive. A motion sensor activated CF starts trying to animatedly engage her in downloading a new app to expand her social media followers, so she stuffs her earbuds into her ears. Tipping her head back sleepily, she watches the subway on the opposite track roll in through the glass barrier. The music she’s half listening to through her earbuds gets suddenly interrupted by an unlisted incoming call. With a frown, she taps twice to pick up.

“Hello?”

_Is this Kang Seulgi?”_

“Y-yes?”

_This is Bae Joohyun._

Seulgi sits up nervously, finding her hands clenched tightly over the tops of her thighs. 

“Oh! Hello! Are you… is there something you need from me?”

_Ah, no, actually. I just wanted to call to confirm this is your phone number. There are some upcoming deadlines with the BMM and our assigned case manager, so I thought it’d be better to communicate over the phone in the future._

“Would you want to meet instead? To go over everything?”

_I’m going to be busy these next few weeks due to international travel._

“Oh. To where?”

Seulgi almost hits her forehead in frustration as she hears the hesitation on the other end of the phone. She’s clearly overstepping and being a nuisance.

_Amsterdam. And then a detour to Hong Kong._

“Have you been there before?”

_This will be my second time visiting Amsterdam. I’m securing a deal for the company. The business we’re working with isn’t a long-time partner like the affiliate I’ll be seeing in Hong Kong._

“I’ve always wanted to go to Europe,” Seulgi confesses quietly, the alcohol making her tongue looser than she’d like.

_I see. It’s nice but I wish that I could eat more Korean food there. I start craving_ kimchi _and_ ramyeon _after the third day._

Seulgi can’t fight the easy giggles at the image of that woman in a perfectly pressed business suit scarfing down _kimchi_ and _ramyeon_ in a hotel room.

“Oh, Unnie, you should be enjoying the local food. Isn’t that the whole reason for going to Europe?”

They lapse into silence as Seulgi hears a sharp breath on the other end of the line. And then she realizes.

“I’m really sorry I didn’t realize I called you Unnie; it just slipped out! I wasn’t thinking I just had a few drinks with someone, and I really didn’t mean to… I mean we’ve only met once. That’s presumptuous of me. I’m sorry.”

_It’s fine. Call me Unnie. We’re getting married anyway._

Despite the completely level way the other woman says those words, Seulgi feels her cheeks warm.

“Um, okay. Unnie.”

_Mm._

“Eat a lot of tasty things in Amsterdam. And in Hong Kong. I’ll send you a message when I complete my paperwork, so you don’t have to worry.

_Mm, okay._

“And, um, you can call me Seulgi if you want. Not Miss Kang. You’re not one of my students or one of my work colleagues.”

_Seulgi._

“Yes?”

_Alright._

Seulgi smiles as they lapse into a comfortable silence. She glances up and sees her subway home pull into the station.

“U-unnie, I have to go now but I’ll message you later to confirm?”

_Alright. Get home safely._

“Okay. Good night!”

_Mm._

Seulgi hears the silence replaced with the song she’d been listening to earlier.

_-i feel like winter, white and cold-_

**Day 20**

Seulgi bounces a leg as she waits at a table for Joohyun to arrive. The coffee shop is a little daunting with a menu that reminds her of those historical dramas she’d seen with British people and tiered trays of baked goods with tea. Afternoon tea is the new trend for Seoul’s influencers if the number of livestreams and posed pictures being taken around her is any indication.

“Hello. Sorry I’m late.”

Seulgi glances up and smiles at Joohyun who stands before her in a houndstooth blazer and stylish light-wash jeans tucked into dark boots.

“Hello! Is everything alright?”

“It’s fine. My flight arrived later than expected.”

“Did you come straight here?”

“Yes,” Joohyun says slowly as she thumbs through the stylish menu printed on delicate paper. Her fingers absentmindedly play with the edges decorated with white lace.

“Aren’t you tired?”

Joohyun lifts her head with a frown.

“It doesn’t matter. I promised you we’d meet today to look at the results from the BMM together.”

Seulgi swallows as she studies the other woman looking at her resolutely. Their correspondence over the past few weeks has been steadier than she expected. Seulgi had sent an occasional picture when there’d been a lull in the conversation, a selfie of her with a student or a random cat she’d seen on her walk home. She’d been surprised by how her few pictures had resulted in a slew of selfies from Joohyun. Most of them were partially obscuring her face by whatever object she’d been trying to showcase. A bottle of _soju_. A book. A new pair of glasses.

Although it had been nice to see Joohyun’s face practically every day in picture form, Seulgi thinks seeing her like this, with the light from the window highlighting her delicate features, is best.

“What are you looking at?”

Seulgi startles as she realizes that she’s been staring at the other woman for too long. Joohyun is looking over at her with an arched eyebrow.

“S-sorry,” Seulgi mumbles as she covers her face with the menu, leaning forward to practically hide her whole head.

“You’re allowed to look. I don’t mind.” Seulgi peeks over the menu and sees Joohyun looking back at her with a slight smile. It makes Seulgi’s face feel unbearably hot.

“You said the BMM results came,” Seulgi mumbles, looking down at the menu again. She squints as she tries to read the tiny font for the drinks. Should have gotten lasik before she went to college.

“Mm, they did. Let’s order first and then we can look.”

Joohyun puts her menu down with an air of authority that has Seulgi swallowing. Almost immediately a waitress walks over in a frilly uniform, talking to Joohyun first. Seulgi supposes there is a charm in having someone in person take your order. But that personal experience is something mainly reserved for high-brow restaurants or themed cafes these days.

“And what would you like?”

“Uh…” Seulgi ducks her head as she squints at the menu before slumping her shoulders.

“Do you have earl gray tea?”

“Yes, we do.”

“Could I have an earl gray latte?”

“Hot or cold?”

“Cold please.”

The waitress nods and quickly takes their menus, flashing Seulgi a smile as she walks off.

“Do you have trouble reading normally?”

“Uh, well I actually wear glasses. But wearing them is a hassle so I usually just leave them at home.”

“What about when you teach?”

Seulgi laughs to herself as a different waitress comes by and carefully places an impressive tower of little cakes, sandwiches, and pastries in the middle of the table.

“I just make sure to have the font extra big on the smartboard. I teach elementary school kids, so it isn’t a big deal.”

“You should wear your glasses more. It’s not good for your eyes.”

Seulgi bites the inside of her cheek as she tries to ignore how domestic this conversation is sounding. She turns toward the tower of treats and points a finger at a small cucumber sandwich.

“Are there more people coming here?”

“No,” Joohyun says simply as she reaches for a madeleine and munches contentedly.

“Are you going to eat this whole thing by yourself?”

“Seulgi-yah, this is for us to share.”

Seulgi blinks at the way Joohyun’s voice curls around the syllables of her name. It’s the first time she’s heard it in person.

“Oh, you don’t have to… I’m not really that hungry…”

Joohyun just waves a hand as she leans back in her seat.

“You should eat well before we see whether we can progress to our marriage certification. We might have to do an emergency drive down to Sejong-si and you’ll miss dinner.”

“They have restaurants down there, I’m sure,” mutters Seulgi as she reaches for a finger sandwich. She munches on the soft white bread with cucumber and cream cheese filling.

They lapse into silence as Joohyun sips on the tea that comes with her special set. Seulgi works on her second finger sandwich as she tries to hide the nerves that must be obvious on her face. Should she feel more comfortable with Joohyun? They’re going to get married after all. And Seulgi doesn’t find Joohyun… unattractive. But as she looks at the other woman, chewing slowly on her food, she can’t quite place her unease. Shouldn’t there be something more here? Shouldn’t they have some sort of-

“Your tea.”

Seulgi startles, nearly flinging the last bit of her sandwich into the waitress’ face.

“T-thanks.” She dips her head and grips the icy glass in front of her. Frowning, she takes a few big gulps from her drink.

“Should I read it, since you can barely see?”

“Sure.”

Seulgi watches as Joohyun pulls out her tablet and taps a few times on its surface. A small frown puckers the space between her eyebrows.

“So it says that… there are no issues and that we can proceed.”

Joohyun looks up and seems to watch Seulgi carefully for her reaction. She blinks slowly, feeling nothing at the announcement.

“You seem… neutral.”

Seulgi simply shrugs as she moves around the ice in her glass.

“I’m glad it went well. Less of a hassle.”

“Is there…” Seulgi looks up to see Joohyun looking at the table in front of her, the frown on her face more pronounced. She shifts in her seat, her mouth opening and closing a few times like she’s just about to say something. But nothing comes out. Instead she sighs quietly and reaches for her tea.

Seulgi looks down at her beige-colored drink.

“I’m sorry. I’m sure you wanted a better reaction.”

“No, it’s fine. We barely know each other. Regardless of how compatible we may be according to the algorithm. It’d be crazy if we were excited.”

“You seem like a nice person. I’m sure we’ll be a good match.”

Joohyun looks right at her, one hand holding her cup of tea right to her lips. She pauses as she seems to search Seulgi’s face for something.

“I’m just glad they changed that law. About same-sex marriages.”

“Well when the UN threatened to remove South Korea’s UN membership status on the grounds of human rights abuses toward a sexual minority,” Seulgi trails off before taking a sip of her drink.

“I remember being a teenager and being so afraid I’d have to marry… a man.”

Seulgi looks at Joohyun, swallowing at the way the other woman stares off a little into the distance with a clenched jaw. 

“It doesn’t matter to the BMM. Since they already have a budget for IVF and alternative insemination procedures. They even made surrogacy legal. Just as long as people can have enough children to-”

“Secure South Korea’s future?” Joohyun wryly finishes for her. It’s a familiar phrase that they’ve both grown up on.

“So that we can compete with our neighbors as an active participant-”

“In the global economy.”

They both share small smiles as they sip on the rest of their drinks. The daily news broadcast’s reused script clearly has stuck like a jingle from a commercial.

“What happens next?”

Joohyun purses her lips as she glances back down at her tablet, scrolling to the end of the email.

“We have to go in person to register our marriage, but we can do it in Seoul. No need to go down to Sejong-si again.”

“And then?”

“Well, I guess we would have to move in together. Eventually.”

“My parents want to meet you. Before we do that.”

“So do mine.”

They both collectively sigh, silence stretching between them. Seulgi tries not to think about what it will be like meeting Joohyun’s family. The mere thought makes her palms sweaty.

“Did your parents like the… picture we took together?”

Seulgi smiles into her hand as she rests her elbow against the table.

“My dad kept saying how pretty you are. He said he’ll have the prettiest granddaughter in the world. ‘She’ll be my princess’ little princess!’”

Joohyun’s mouth twitches at the words.

“Your father sounds kind.”

“He spoiled me a ton growing up. And my brother recently got married so he’s very excited to be a grandpa that can spoil his grandchildren. Hearing that I’ll be getting married soon is making both my parents so excited that they barely sleep.”

“If they don’t sleep, what do they do?”

“My mom is trying to crochet a baby blanket. My dad is reading self-help books about how to be a good grandpa.”

“They have those now?” Joohyun asks curiously, her slow smile making her eyes crinkle a little.

“Yeah. I mean all the bestsellers these days are about babies or how to be a better parent. They probably have a self-help book for how to be a good great-aunt if you looked hard enough.”

“My parents aren’t exactly doing that. They’re not very outwardly… expressive.”

Seulgi glances up and watches the way Joohyun bites her lip, a bit of insecurity seeping from her overall neutral expression.

“It’s fine. I mean we’re not even married yet. My parents are just being silly.”

“Still. It’s sweet. But my mother in her own way she’s… she’s making me take cooking classes with her so that I can be a little more helpful around the house.”

“Good. Because my cooking is _terrible_.”

“Oh no. We might not even make it to having a baby if we end up starving.”

Seulgi smiles despite the way those words rub against the confusing feeling rolling in her chest.

“Is the deadline still a year for the beginning of fertility appointments?”

Joohyun nods after quickly double-checking the email.

“Marriage registrations have to be six months after receiving the notice from the BMM and then fertility appointments must be started no later than a year after marriage registration.”

“It’s all so thoroughly planned out.”

“Well, they’ve had nearly thirty years to get the formula right. It seems their way works.”

“Mm,” Seulgi mumbles as she finishes her drink, sipping on the last bit of her watered-down tea. She can’t quite manage to look up at Joohyun as she wonders what it would have been like if this had been just a regular date. The two of them meeting again after a coincidental first encounter. Would there be more to the awkwardness between them, Seulgi wonders as she thinks of those banned romance movies she’d illegally downloaded at an internet café. Would they have more of that flirty banter as they participated in the emotional tug of war that always seemed to blossom from falling in love?

But it doesn’t matter. They’re not in one of those old movies. They’re living in a reality where they’ve known each other for less than a month and they’re already discussing their timeline for their marriage and first child.

Seulgi looks across the table at the other woman and she does not hear the musical crescendo of a song telling her that she’s falling in love as the lighting from the soft spring day highlights the browns in Joohyun’s hair. Instead, she just feels nerves coiled tightly in her stomach and dread in the set of her jaw as she sees Joohyun tentatively smile at her before glancing down to sip at her tea.

**Day 38**

Seulgi stares at the message from Joohyun, a blurry selfie of the other woman in a crisp white button-down with a smiling red mouth.

**Joohyun-unnie:** _See you soon!_

Seulgi swallows as she puts her phone face down next to her computer. After Seulgi finishes her lesson plan, she’s getting off work early to go with Joohyun to register their marriage.

Things have been proceeding at a steady clip after they had a relatively painless meeting with their respective parents. Seulgi had been forced into the nicest dress she owned and her mother had gone with her to a hairdresser to make the best possible impression on her future in-laws. When Seulgi had grumbled about the ridiculous fuss, her mother had just tugged at her hair in exasperation.

“Her father is a CEO and her mother goes to the same church as the First Lady! You two might be matched but you don’t think they’re powerful enough to make the rest of this process difficult?”

Maybe slowing things down would be good, Seulgi had thought hopefully as she and her parents had entered the upscale restaurant and been escorted to a private room. She’d been adjusting the belt cinching the waist of her dress when she saw Joohyun waiting expectantly at the door. Seulgi had smiled, relieved that Joohyun was only wearing a black pencil skirt and an expensive-looking silk blouse. Not the ballroom gown that her mother seemed to think the extremely wealthy would wear for such an occasion. But when she didn’t receive a smile in return, just wide-eyed staring, Seulgi had looked down at her outfit in concern. It was a simple A-line black dress with minimal frills.

“Hello, Unnie. Is everything okay?”

And Joohyun had just swallowed hard, not quite able to make eye contact as she’d nodded shakily in reply before stepping forward and greeting Seulgi’s parents. The perfect future daughter-in-law.

Joohyun had led them inside and everyone exchanged bows and greetings, sitting across from each other at a burnished wooden table. Things were a little stilted and awkward until Joohyun’s father had cracked a dry joke that Seulgi had giggled at, earning a charmed smile from the other man. And then when Seulgi showed the table a picture of her with her class of second graders, Joohyun’s mother’s shoulders seemed to finally relax.

Everything felt final after that.

“That went really well,” Joohyun had murmured under the lamplight outside the restaurant. Their parents had both left, encouraging them to get a coffee before returning home.

“Really?”

“My mother doesn’t smile very easily. But she seemed to like you.”

“My parents liked you, too. I think my dad thinks you’re an even better daughter-in-law than my brother’s wife.”

Joohyun had looked down at the comment, trying to hide her smile from Seulgi’s line of sight.

“I’ll try my best to be a good daughter-in-law. And wife.”

Any of Seulgi’s words she’d been practicing secretly in front of the mirror about maybe taking things a little slower and feeling things out died on her tongue. Because Joohyun was looking at her and there was this lightness to her face that Seulgi thought was devastatingly hopeful.

Seulgi felt trapped in the moment, unable to say anything other than:

“I’m sure you will.” 

Everything that happened afterward fell into place like gravity.

Naturally, the next step was to register their marriage and move in together. It said so according to their marriage timeline handbook. Joohyun’s father apparently had a friend with an eye for prime real estate looking for apartments decently close to their respective workplaces.

_It’s okay if we start with a one bedroom, right? We’ll move somewhere bigger when we have the baby._

Seulgi hadn’t moved from her spot by her window after Joohyun had hung up with a gentle _goodnight Seulgi-yah_ , staring at her reflection in the glass.

“Miss Kang?”

Seulgi jerks from her desk, almost pinwheeling her arms to not lose balance at her desk chair. She tightly grips the bottom of the seat, snapping her head toward the door.

It’s Sooyoung in the doorway, holding a bag full of old hard drives. Seulgi glances at the colleagues around them and resists the urge to casually call out her first name with a string of angry curses.

“Mm, what is-”

And then she sees Joohyun poke her head around Sooyoung, smile a little shy.

“Hi. You said to meet at 3PM.”

Seulgi frowns as she glances at her wristwatch and jerks out of her chair in surprise. Sooyoung giggles at her face and disappears with a wave.

“Oh! It’s 3:15! Unnie, I’m so sorry did you call me?”

Joohyun just shrugs a shoulder as she walks up to Seulgi’s side, and glances curiously at the stack of folders with careful labels. Seulgi hunches over her desk, still standing, as she clicks out of her work email and a few open documents.

“It must be cold during the winter. Being closest to the door.”

Seulgi pauses in confusion and looks over at Joohyun.

“Mm. I’m one of the youngest teachers here. And I’m a short-term teacher at that. Originally Sooyoung was given this desk but she gets cold easily.”

“Sooyoung?”

“Oh, the teacher who came up with you earlier.”

Joohyun hums as she nods slowly, face pensive. And then her eyebrows shoot up and she tugs thoughtlessly at Seulgi’s sleeve. She points a finger at a luxurious looking box in the corner of Seulgi’s desk, an almost childish grin on her face.

“You kept the box for the gift I got you! From Amsterdam!”

Seulgi nods patiently trying to ignore the way her stomach churns at the warmth of Joohyun’s hand gripping her arm. That day at the café when they checked the status of their marriage match, Joohyun had given her a pastel purple colored box with a scarf inside. It was a creamy white and felt so soft that Seulgi had felt afraid to wear it outside.

Sometimes, at home in the privacy of her room, she’d wrap it around her neck and press her face into the fabric. Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, she would wish for time to just go a little slower.

“I thought it was pretty. And it was from you so I… I felt bad about throwing it away.”

“Because it was from me?”

Seulgi thinks of sitting nervously in an internet café, hoodie covering her face as she watched, enraptured, as the female lead held a precious memento from her beloved to her chest.

“Should I have thrown it away?” Seulgi asks softly, feeling her brow furrowed in concern. Has she accidentally revealed herself and how she secretly wishes she could have a love like those movies-

“No it’s… it’s sweet.” Joohyun squeezes Seulgi’s arm, a thumb gently stroking the soft cotton of her work blouse. She lingers for a long moment and Seulgi can hear her own heart pounding in her ears until Joohyun lets go, clasping her hands in front of her.

“Hopefully you like the scarf as much as the box. You should wear it. When it gets colder. Since you’re close to the door.”

Seulgi smiles with a quiet laugh as she finishes packing her bag.

“Ready?”

Joohyun nods and Seulgi walks to the desk of the teacher she works the most with.

“Miss Choi, I’ll be leaving now.”

“Oh, okay, Miss Kang!”

Seulgi nods and follows Joohyun out of the teacher’s lounge and into the empty hallway.

“Sorry about not picking up earlier. I was sort of out of it.”

“Oh?” Joohyun casts a concerned glance over her shoulder, eyes flitting over Seulgi’s face.

“Yeah, I couldn’t…. couldn’t sleep very well last night. Nervous, I guess. About today.”

Joohyun pauses at the foot of the stairs, back to Seulgi. There is something unassumingly elegant about the line of Joohyun’s shoulders, highlighted by the tailored pinstripe blazer she’s wearing. She glances over at Seulgi and her profile, framed by the afternoon light spilling from the window overhead, really feels like something special. Something Seulgi will think about as she lies in her bed with that scarf wrapped around her neck, trying to understand why everything feels too _much_.

“I… I was a little nervous, too. It feels strange that we’ll be officially married by the end of today.”

“Right? Doesn’t it feel like,” Seulgi pauses, trying to be careful about how her words sound, “everything is happening all at once?”

“It does feel a bit overwhelming for a pretty normal Tuesday.” 

“Exactly! This—shouldn’t it feel more special?”

Joohyun’s mouth twists and Seulgi can instantly tell she’s said the wrong thing. The other woman turns to face ahead, one hand tightly gripping the banister.

“I know you aren’t exactly… enthused about this marriage. But I promise that even though this may not be by any means the happiest day in our lives, it’s special. At least to me.”

Seulgi bites her tongue and says nothing as she watches Joohyun walk ahead. She can’t quite manage to make herself follow. At least not right away. But the other woman is short enough that in a few measured strides Seulgi is right behind her.

“Unnie!”

Joohyun pauses, shoulders taut and hands balled into fists.

“I’m… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No. It’s not your fault. I let my emotions get the better of me. I mean everyone knows all that ‘marriage match is your soulmate’ propaganda is for high schoolers. It’s not like we’d meet and just be in love.”

Seulgi scoffs as she nervously scratches the back of her neck. She thinks of her favorite movie and how the two leads fell in love after hours of vulnerable conversation following a chance encounter on a train.

“Destiny and fate. I suppose some people like that sort of thing.”

“Yeah. Some people.”

Seulgi feels like apologizing again but she doesn’t know what for. And even though she barely knows Joohyun, she can tell that an apology is not what the other woman wants. She spends the entire car ride and the short walk to city hall silent and pensive. Numbly Seulgi gives the QR code for her name seal, not quite focusing on the words the low-level bureaucrat is telling them with a big smile as their marriage is officially registered.

She only stirs from her reverie when she’s handed a small bouquet of fake flowers by a secretary at the front desk and asked to wait a moment.

“We like to take pictures of the new couples registering their marriages every month! We’ll send you a link so that you can show it off to your friends and family.”

Seulgi nods slowly, the plastic wrapped around the flowers crinkling in her hands. She awkwardly turns to look at Joohyun who’s already posed against the backdrop the secretary has gestured them to go to. Swallowing, she stands next to the other woman, their shoulders barely brushing against each other.

“Oh, are you nervous? You can touch each other a little bit! You’ve just married your perfect match!”

A warm hand grips the inside of Seulgi’s elbow and she jerks at the contact, turning to look at Joohyun. Just as the other woman meets her eyes with a hollow smile, Seulgi hears the click of the camera.

Pictures are memories, Seulgi thinks, her eyes lingering on Joohyun’s profile as she faces forward when the impromptu photoshoot is over. Seulgi wonders just what kind of memory this will be when she looks back with wrinkled hands at the pixels that form this image. Of Bae Joohyun prettily smiling up at Kang Seulgi, holding a few pink flowers and wearing matching blushes under the fluorescent lights of the Bureau of Marriage Affair’s lobby.

Will this memory be a good one? Sweetened with the love of something that has grown over time?

Or will it be a reminder that something as artificial as the flowers that Seulgi is holding can never replace the real thing? 


	2. the only person I could really hurt is myself

**Day 68**

Seulgi yawns as she enters the new apartment, the lights from the hallway illuminating Joohyun’s heels neatly lined up by the door. As Seulgi slides off her shoes, she carefully puts both pairs in their wooden shoe closet.

“Unnie, I’m back.”

“Oh, you’re here.”

Seulgi walks into the living room, observing Joohyun on the couch with a tablet in her lap. The television is on at a low volume with the population growth report displayed. An excited reporter exclaims that the growth rate has been on a steady incline in the past few weeks after breaking -5%. She watches the numbers fluctuate on the screen and wonders where her and Joohyun’s marriage fits in. There is something indescribable about seeing her marriage being aggregated on a government data graph.

“Hey.”

Seulgi blinks as she looks from the tv to Joohyun who is gazing up at her with a furrowed brow.

“Are you okay? Did you eat yet?”

“No. Sorry, I’m just sort of tired.”

Joohyun nods slowly as she gets up from her spot on the couch. It’d taken some getting used to, seeing Joohyun changing from stiff business clothes to sweats and loose-fitting tops. But after a little more than a week of living together like this, Seulgi has been adjusting as best she can.

The bed-sharing is another matter.

“Do you want to get changed while I heat this up for you?”

Seulgi shoulders her bag as she observes the spread of side dishes and a pot of beef stew. 

“I can do it. I’m so tired that I think if I go to the bedroom, I’ll fall asleep.”

“Tests are almost done, right? Is the grading going alright?”

“Almost! The kids have one more test tomorrow. But I’m helping with grading and organizing for all the first and second grade classes.”

Joohyun frowns as she looks at Seulgi, tilting her head a little.

“Is it normal for teachers to be doing work for all the classes?”

“Well,” Seulgi mumbles, standing next to Joohyun as she reheats the stew on the stove, “since I’m on a contract I sort of am doing things ad hoc. I’m like a regular teacher that gets paid like a substitute teacher and does twice as much work.”

Joohyun glances over at Seulgi, frowning.

“What do you mean?”

“I want to get off the contract route and get a full-time teaching position eventually. Then I could be a civil servant under the federal government. But it’s hard to get those positions without connections. I’ve been trying to put in the time for the past few years at the current school I’m at but…” Seulgi sighs as she stretches her arms over her head with a yawn.

“Are you thinking of going to another school to teach, then?”

“Maybe. But then wouldn’t I just be doing the same thing again? A short-term teacher stuck at a new place.”

“Mm.”

Seulgi sighs and then gently reaches around Joohyun to turn off the electric stove as the stew starts to bubble.

“Sorry. Talking about my future career must be such a mood killer. Especially in comparison to yours.”

“That’s not true. I see how hard you work. It’s not like you aren’t trying to get brought on as a full-time teacher.”

“Sometimes it feels so hopeless and I want to give up,” Seulgi confesses quietly as she turns to put her bowl of stew on the table. She’s surprised when Joohyun sits across from her, a determined look on her face.

Due to their different schedules, Seulgi only had dinner with Joohyun the first night they’d moved in together. It’d been take-out from some half-decent chicken place and _somaek_. Seulgi had felt a little self-conscious about eating a meal with just Joohyun, drinking too much and passing out on the couch as a result. The following morning she’d been late to work and hungover.

“What do you normally do when you feel that way?” Joohyun asks softly, watching Seulgi as she pulls her hair up into a ponytail so she can comfortably eat.

“I normally go for a walk. Watch a movie. Talk to a friend.”

“What sort of movies do you like?”

Seulgi bites her tongue, pausing to gather her thoughts.

“All sorts. Old movies are fun.”

“Oh? Do you have a favorite?”

“A few,” mumbles Seulgi around a bite of her stew. She picks a few pieces of dried squid to place on top of her spoonful of rice.

“Would you watch one with me sometime? Maybe next weekend?”

Seulgi’s eyes widen in surprise as she looks at Joohyun. The other woman is gazing at Seulgi’s half-finished bowl of rice, her chin resting against the heel of her palm. It’s impressive how little of her emotions seem to affect the expression on her face.

“A lot of them got banned when that law got passed about media unhelpful to population growth. They’d be hard to get.”

“Banned doesn’t mean illegal,” Joohyun says casually. “The government isn’t imprisoning people for watching a movie romanticizing a coincidence marriage.”

“But when something’s banned it makes the experience of watching that movie feel shameful. And shame can be even worse than an actual fine or prison sentence, I think.”

“Maybe. But that doesn’t mean we can’t watch a movie together. If you want to.”

Seulgi hums, licking her spoon as she stares a little sadly at her now empty rice bowl.

“We can do that.”

“Only if you want to. I don’t… you shouldn’t be forced to do another thing you don’t want to do.”

Seulgi looks up at the words and meets Joohyun’s gaze. There is something a little vulnerable about the purse of her mouth and the shine of her eyes but Seulgi feels too afraid to push.

“Sure. Unnie, let’s do that.”

With a small smile, Seulgi reaches forward and holds Joohyun’s free hand resting on the table. The other woman tenses at the contact, staring wide-eyed at their joined hands. Seulgi swallows her nerves and gently squeezes.

“How does Saturday sound?”

“I’ll add it to my schedule.”

“Thanks, Unnie. I’m looking forward to it!”

Seulgi gives Joohyun’s hand one final squeeze before getting up to clean the table. She turns on the sink to start washing dishes, hearing Joohyun get up and walk back to the couch. Staring at the soap suds encasing her hands, Seulgi sighs quietly.

**Day 84**

Seulgi stuffs another spoonful of rice into her mouth as Sooyoung looks at her in disdain, fishing for bean sprouts in her small silver bowl. The cafeteria is filled with lively elementary school kids chatting and shouting. A few of them wave at Seulgi and Sooyoung as they walk out the door.

“Miss Kang, Miss Park, have a yummy lunch!” a pair of little girls shout as they run outside holding hands. Seulgi watches them with a smile.

“So which class was it again?” Seulgi asks as she scrapes her food tray of the last of her rice.

“Class 2-C. I saw Minyoung crying in the teacher’s lounge about it this morning.”

“Kids can be so cruel.”

“They learn it from their parents of course. Kids only repeat what they see and hear,” Sooyoung mutters with a sigh, listlessly stirring her spoon in the clear broth left in her soup bowl.

“So, what did they say exactly?”

“Some bullshit about Minyoung being a freak for having parents in a coincidence marriage. Which is hilarious considering most rich kids are doing arranged marriages independent of the marriage registry anyway. They just have enough money to stuff the mouths of any bureaucrats that say otherwise.”

“Then they get the marriage subsidy and government support.”

“While keeping all that wealth in the family. It’s disappointing but not surprising.”

Seulgi hums as she thinks of Joohyun, wondering for not the first time why the other woman hadn’t done that as well. It isn’t exactly a well-kept secret that the marriage registry is mandatory and absolute for everyone except those that could buy out of it.

“None of it’s fair.”

“But I mean, your wife seems nice, right? And her parents weren’t stuck up?”

“Right.”

“That’s good. How’s married life treating you?”

Seulgi scoffs at the droll way Sooyoung asks the question, putting her chopsticks on her tray.

“I mean we’re basically strangers. It’s like living with a roommate you’ve never met before.”

“Do you not talk often?”

“We have pretty different schedules. She tends to work a lot of overtime, so I maybe eat dinner with her once or twice a week. But we barely talk. Sometimes I try to… give her flowers or leave her small things around the house.”

Sooyoung frowns at Seulgi, tilting her head in confusion.

“Why would you do that when she could probably buy you a building with the money her company has?”

Seulgis shrugs. She thinks of the other day when she’d stepped out of the bathroom, towel drying her hair, and seen Joohyun looking down at the small meal on the kitchen table. Seulgi had clumsily cooked for her, thinking that would be better than Joohyun having to go through the effort of ordering take-out. The other woman had looked over her shoulder and given Seulgi a trembling smile with a face lined with exhaustion. Even as Joohyun turned away to begin eating her dinner, Seulgi had just stood there watching her back.

“I think it helps remind her that she isn’t living by herself. She seems sort of… lonely.”

“I guess money can’t buy happiness. Poor her.”

Seulgi scoffs at the disparaging comment.

“Enough picking on my wife when she can’t defend herself.”

“Sorry. It’s just after you started this whole marriage process you’ve seemed a little down.”

“Do I seem that pitiful?”

“A little more than usual.”

They both share a smile before rising to separate their respective trays, eating utensils, and bowls for cleaning by the automated washing room in the back of the cafeteria. Seulgi gives a smile and wave to one of the cafeteria staff members in the back. They walk outside into the summer heat with the faint buzz of cicadas vibrating around them.

“I applied you know.”

“To what?”

“To graduate school.”

Seulgi frowns as she looks curiously at Sooyoung who walks with her hands clasped behind her back, showing off the frilly front of her white blouse.

“Did you really?”

“Mmhmm. Pretty sure I’ll get in too.”

“I don’t have any doubts. I’m sure Principal Song wrote you a good recommendation letter since she actually likes you.”

“It helps that I’m not late to practically every staff meeting.”

Seulgi sighs but says nothing, trying to ignore the trickle of jealousy blocking the kind words she should be saying. Sooyoung had been debating applying to graduate school, beaten down by the inability to get a permanent position like Seulgi. The idea had also occurred to Seulgi too but of course any of those plans were dashed by her marriage with Joohyun. They had to start getting fertility treatments and consultations a year after marriage. Realistically she wouldn’t be able to seriously consider graduate school for at least three more years. And she’d be thirty-one by then. With a baby.

“Your sighs are so big I think you could power a fan with them.”

“Sorry, I was just thinking.”

“Oh no. Does it hurt?”

Seulgi laughs, shoving playfully at Sooyoung who doges the push.

“You need to have a basic level of intelligence to become a teacher, you know.”

“When I asked you what 12 plus 15 was, you said 24!”

“I never was going to be a math teacher. 1st and 2nd graders are working on super basic stuff. I can do that.”

“Imagine if you’d ranked math teacher as your number one pick for your study focus in high school. It’d be the biggest tragedy.”

Seulgi chuckles a little as she opens the door for Sooyoung to enter the building first. She thinks a little sadly of ranking artist and entertainer as her top picks when she’d taken the test. Unfortunately, after she took her career suitability test, elementary school teacher had been her match. Her parents had seemed pleased and Seulgi started hiding her sketches under books about primary education.

“Was there anything you wanted to be before you got placed as a teacher?”

“A singer, actually. I used to sing for my family all the time growing up. Thought I’d do a good job.”

“You certainly would have been something,” Seulgi says and they both share a bittersweet smile.

“It’s probably for the best. I love teaching, too. And I’m good at it. We both are.”

“Thanks.”

“And speaking of teaching. Did you hear a permanent position for teaching second grade opened up?”

Seulgi turns in confusion, pausing right before ascending the stairwell.

“What?” she whisper-shouts, furtively glancing around to make sure they aren’t overheard.

“Yeah, you know Mr. Min? He told Miss Kim who told me that he is planning on announcing his retirement this week. His wife apparently is really ill, so he wants to take care of her.”

“Really? I always thought he was the type who wanted to die at his desk.”

Sooyoung giggles as she playfully shoulder checks Seulgi as she walks around her, leading them both up the stairs.

“You’ll apply, right? I mean personally, you’re the most qualified among the short-term teachers. And since I’ll be doing graduate school next year, you don’t have to worry about me as competition.”

“I don’t know if I’d be able to beat you out,” Seulgi teases with a grin as they arrive at last at the teacher’s lounge.

“I really have a good feeling about this one. You should go see a shaman and have a talisman made or something. You’ll get it then for sure.”

“I’ve gotten so lucky this year already. I don’t think I need heaven to be more on my side then it already is.”

But Seulgi thinks about the notion of the full-time position for the rest of the time she’s at work. And then when she’s waiting at the subway station, staring at her face reflected in the glass separating her from the tracks. Although the ride is now barely 15 minutes instead of the near hour of commute time, she appreciates the time she can have to herself. Seulgi can just exist, not burdened by the worries that seem to always weigh heavily on her shoulders when she’s at school or home.

When she arrives at the apartment, she startles at seeing Joohyun sitting at the table pouring a green bottle of soju into a small shot glass. She swallows nervously when she sees there’s already an empty bottle off to the side.

“U-unnie?”

“Oh, Seulgi-yah.”

Seulgi grips the strap of her bag, not quite knowing what to do as she watches her wife furiously gulp down a shot.

“Um. Is everything… are you alright?”

“The company lost an investor today. Well, _I_ lost an investor today. It was my fault.”

Seulgi stares at Joohyun’s delicate hands, carefully gripping the glass.

“How long have you been drinking for?”

“Not long enough.”

“Okay,” Seulgi says as she walks to the other side of the table, sitting down and gently prying the green bottle from Joohyun’s fingers. The other woman simply tilts her head at the gesture.

“Is my wife going to drink with me?”

“You shouldn’t drink alone, Unnie.”

“I did before you came.”

“I’d rather you didn’t.”

Seulgi looks up and feels nervous at the way Joohyun is staring at her, steady and incredibly sharp. It’s almost arresting how the other woman’s eyes seem to just lock her into place.

“Why does it matter if I drink alone?”

“Because it makes you look lonely, Unnie.”

“And if I am? Lonely?”

“How can you be lonely when I’m here?”

Joohyun’s face twists at the words and she swiftly places her shot glass on the table.

“I’ve always been alone. Ever since I was young. And I suppose being alone and being lonely are two halves of a whole.”

“Did you have any imaginary friends when you were younger? When I was little, I’d play games with my stuffed animals because my parents were working and my brother didn’t want to play with me. I had a stuffed bear that was my best friend.”

“My mother thought those sorts of things were childish. I remember one of my first memories being her make me take a blanket I’d had since I was born and throw it in the trash. ‘You need to grow up, Joohyun-ah.’”

Seulgi quietly sighs as she pours Joohyun another shot. There is something bordering on feral with the way the other woman almost immediately snaps the glass back with a gulp. Her face doesn’t even twist at the bitterness of the alcohol.

“My mother, she called me when she heard what happened. She said, ‘Learn from your mistakes and don’t do that again.’”

Joohyun laughs and it sounds a little broken. Seulgi shifts in her seat, torn between wanting to comfort and knowing that this Joohyun is a fragile thing that could run off at any moment.

“Unnie.”

“Sorry. I’m sure you don’t want to spend your Friday evening talking about my relationship with my mother. Do you want a drink?”

“It seems you’ve already finished the bottle.”

Joohyun squints at the two empty green bottles in front of her and sighs with disappointment.

“I guess I did. Should I go grab another one?”

“It’s fine, Unnie. Why don’t we have dinner? Have you eaten yet?”

“I don’t think I’ve eaten all day.”

“Unnie!” Seulgi shouts in concern. The other woman is looking at her strangely, almost in disbelief that someone is expressing such concern over her.

“I had some coffee. It’s fine.”

“Drinking _soju_ on an empty stomach,” mutters Seulgi in disappointment as she starts rummaging through the refrigerator.

“Seulgi-yah, it’s fine. I’ll just order something.”

“That’ll take too long even if you do express delivery! We have some rice and side dishes. Let me just heat it up.”

Seulgi turns and startles because Joohyun is right behind her like a curious puppy. She nearly drops the stack of Tupperware in her hands but manages to hold on as she deposits them onto the countertop next to the stove. As she puts the rice in the microwave, she feels a pair of arms wrap around her back.

“U-unnie?”

“Can you… can you just stay like this for a little while. Please?”

She feels Joohyun press her face against Seulgi’s shoulder, breathing heavily. Gently she places her hands over Joohyun’s, leaning back a little.

“I’m sorry you had a hard day, Unnie.”

“Mm.”

“Next time you want to drink by yourself, call me. I don’t want my wife to be lonely when she’s having a hard time.”

Seulgi feels rather than hears Joohyun’s laugh behind her.

“Kang Seulgi, you really are something.”

They stay like that for a moment longer until the microwave beeps and Seulgi goes back to preparing Joohyun’s dinner. The warmth disappears and Seulgi thinks briefly that she misses it as she sees Joohyun go back to her seat at the table. The other woman hugs her legs to her chest and watches Seulgi closely with her chin resting on one of her knees. There is something so heavy in Joohyun’s gaze that she finds her face uncharacteristically warm as she continues to clumsily prepare a meal for her wife.

**Day 101**

Nerves make Seulgi’s leg bounce as she sits in the lobby of the cavernous building. The sheets of glass encasing the paneling of the structure make her feel like she is in some capitalist cathedral. She tries not to think of the European art books worn by reverent fingers under a stack of folders at her new home.

She glances at her wristwatch, worrying her bottom lip. She’d decided on a whim to just drop by Joohyun’s work. Seulgi had seen the building a few times. Once Joohyun had pointed deliberately at it as they’d driven by to visit her parents.

“This is my second home,” she’d joked with a barely there smile. And Seulgi had looked at the impressive glass building that seemed to brush against the underside of the clouds.

“Excuse me.”

Seulgi startles from her thoughts. Stationed before her is a shiny white robot with a touch screen on its front. Its head is a mounted screen with an animated face resembling a cartoon rabbit, the mascot of the company

“Hello. Please state your reason for your visit.”

“Um, I’m here to see someone.”

The small robot hums.

“Do you have a prior appointment?”

“N-no.”

The robot whirs to process the information. The animated rabbit’s face twitches as if in thought.

“What is the name of the person you wish to see?”

“Um, Bae Joohyun?”

Seulgi watches as the robot’s touch screen reveals a picture of Joohyun that must be on her work badge. Her hair is tightly pulled back, revealing a polite smile and piercing brown eyes.

“Please confirm the identity of the employee you wish to see.”

“Yes, that’s, um, her.”

“Calling _Bae Joohyun’s_ office. Please hold.”

She starts regretting this silly idea of surprising her wife and getting dinner after work when a disembodied voice comes from the robot’s speaker.

_Hello, this is the phone number of Manger Bae of the Strategy and Operations Division. How can I help you?_

Seulgi feels a little faint. The robot scoots closer, bumping into her shoes like physically intimidating her will get her to talk. Do they have these things in the police interrogation rooms, too, she wonders idly.

_Hello?_

“Um, hello. Sorry. I, um. Is Joo- I mean is Manager Bae busy right now?”

_Uh, she is I am afraid. Who am I speaking to?”_

“Kang Seulgi.”

_Is there a particular reason for your call, Kang Seulgi-ssi? It appears you do not have an appointment._

“I don’t. But um… well Manager Bae is my wife and I figured it was getting late so I wanted to check on her for dinner?”

There is a long silence on the other line. Seulgi glances at the robot and its animated rabbit face smiles at her. She smiles back.

_Manager Bae… is married?_

Seulgi startles. For a moment, the disbelief is so thick in the other person’s voice that it makes her doubt the last few months. She is married to Bae Joohyun, right?

“Uh, I think so. We’ve been matched for nearly three months now. Do you need me to show proof of our marriage registration? I have a copy on my phone.”

Suddenly the robot scoots back a little and its screen mounted on its body is filled with the face of a young woman. She is frowning into the camera as she practically glares at Seulgi.

_You’re supposed to be Manager Bae’s wife?_

Seulgi glances down at her clothes. She’s wearing a loose white button-down tucked into white pants with a thick brown belt cinching the outfit together. She touches the bun at the top of her head self-consciously, unintentionally revealing streaks of pastel and marker on her forearms from art class earlier in the day.

“Yes. Yes, I’m married to Manager Bae.”

The woman blinks owlishly, squinting at the screen. She seems to deliberate for so long that Seulgi isn’t sure for a wild moment if she’ll just hang up on the call altogether.

_I’ll escort you from the lobby. Stay there please._

The connection gets disconnected and Seulgi finds herself staring at her own reflection for a moment before the touchscreen flickers back to random options. She finds herself curious when she sees a photo gallery. Apparently, selfies with various animated AR Corp. backgrounds is a popular option for bored visitors. She glances at the categories organizing the picture database. Clicking on the filter for oldest to newest, she sits back and waits for the images to load. What she sees makes her sigh.

The first picture is Joohyun, a few years younger in a fresh-looking business suit. Her work lanyard is hanging from her neck and she looks a little awkward as she leans down on her knees to be eye level with the robot’s camera. She’d placed a rabbit ears sticker on her head but kept the background as just the lobby. Was this her first day? Seulgi wonders. Was she as nervous as the tremulous smile on her mouth seems to suggest?

“Kang Seulgi-ssi.”

Seulgi jerks away from the image in front of her, looking up at the newly familiar face of the woman from earlier. She’s shorter than even Joohyun with her dark hair in a youthful cut just above her shoulders. Seulgi wonders if she’s an intern judging by the youth in her cheeks and the newness of her coal gray business suit.

“Yes?”

The other woman stares at Seulgi, eyes narrowed in deep concentration.

“What’s your phone background?”

“Uh,” Seulgi shows her the image of a Vienna bridge from one of her favorite movies.

“You don’t have a picture of you and your wife? How do you expect me to believe you’re married to Manager Bae?”

“Not everything I’m interested in revolves around Manager Bae.”

“Okay. Well this isn’t doing a very good job of making me believe you two are married.”

Seulgi grumbles to herself as she opens her phone and taps around for the app containing the QR codes and files for her personal information. With a satisfied hum, she turns her phone toward the other woman, showing off the very real marriage registration.

“Oh my god. _You_ are married to Manager Bae?”

Seulgi tries to ignore the insultingly disparaging tone, instead pocketing her phone.

“Do you believe me now?”

“Yeah. I mean yes. Sorry. I just had to be sure. Manager Bae is always so busy and I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone ever claim to be her wife before.”

“It’s fine. I’m glad my wife is being well-taken care of.”

“She takes care of us, mostly. I wish I could return the favor. Shall we go to her office, then?”

Seulgi nods, shouldering her bag before rising from her seat. It’s instinctual as she turns to the robot, still displaying Joohyun’s selfie. She ignores the stifled laugh from the other woman as she quickly gets out of the gallery.

“Have you been satisfied with my service?”

“Yes, thank you.”

The robot’s rabbit face smiles and Seulgi cannot help waving as it wheels away from her. When she turns back to look, the other woman is staring at her like she’s grown another head.

“This way.”

Seulgi follows easily behind, the strict _click-clack_ of heels on the marble floor seeming to fill the cavernous lobby.

“Ah, Yerim-ssi,” greets an idle security guard waiting by a till in front of the elevators.

“We have a guest today.”

The security guard glances at his tablet as he gestures for Seulgi to come forward.

“Manager Bae’s wife.” The man startles at the announcement, openly staring at Seulgi. She feels her cheeks warm as she tentatively opens her phone to have her ID QR code be scanned.

“Um, Kang Seulgi-ssi. You just got sent a virtual badge you can use to scan in and out of the building for the rest of the day.”

“Thank you,” she says with a small smile, avoiding his curious gaze. Seulgi quickly walks through the till with a confirming beep, Yerim following close behind.

“So… Yerim-ssi. How long have you been working with Manager Bae?”

“A few months. I took a semester off to intern at AR Corp. Manager Bae is amazing to work for. She pushes us almost as much as she pushes herself.”

“Mm. She always is working overtime these days. I try to tell her to eat regularly but she seems to skip meals if I don’t remind her.”

Seulgi glances over at Yerim who is staring up at her with wide eyes, failing to hide the excitement of absorbing this new information about her boss.

“Manager Bae always seems so strong. She never seems tired or hungry.”

The elevator doors open and they sidle in. Seulgi blinks at the long list of numbers.

“Is this whole building owned by the company?”

“Yes. It’s headquarters so… we have a floor for the cafeteria and a gym too. It’s not all just offices.”

“Still,” Seulgi mutters. Being reminded of her wife’s family’s wealth always puts Seulgi on edge.

“This building is great but the ones in Hong Kong and Tokyo are also really impressive. The Hong Kong office has a cosmetics store and offers complimentary facials for employees.”

“I see.”

“I almost applied to go there for my internship, but I thought it’d be better to do Seoul first. Since my English isn’t that good yet.”

The elevator doors open on the 7th floor and Seulgi gets out first. She takes in the long glass corridor funneling them toward a door to the open desks on the other side. Following Yerim, she walks into the office space, immediately catching sight of Joohyun. She’s standing with her back to Seulgi, hands on her hips. She’s listening to an employee talking to her from his desktop, pointing at something on his screen. Joohyun is nodding, making notes on her tablet as she asks a question that has the employee stuttering, face flushed.

Seulgi pauses a little distance away and watches Joohyun turn around to lean next to the employee’s computer, her glasses slipping down her nose. As she starts to adjust them on her face, her eyes slide over to Seulgi and she frowns.

Immediately, Seulgi feels a rush of regret. She shouldn’t have come. Clearly Joohyun is ashamed of her if she didn’t tell her coworkers about their marriage. This is a mistake. Everything is a-

“Seulgi-yah. Is everything okay?”

She swallows as she stands stiffly in place as all the employees in the immediate vicinity look at her in a mix of shock and confusion. Joohyun doesn’t pay them any mind, ambling right up to Seulgi and frowning at her in obvious concern.

“Seulgi-yah?”

“Oh, um. Sorry, Unnie. I just…” Seulgi glances nervously at an employee who gasps aloud and another who looks like he’s in a state of shock.

“Hm?” Joohyun leans even closer, frowning. She reaches forward and gently grips Seulgi’s wrist with such earnest eyes. The easy skinship Joohyun has given her since that night with the two empty soju bottles is still something Seulgi is trying to adjust to. She bravely smiles as if the contact doesn’t affect her, even as she feels Joohyun’s thumb brush up and down the inside of her wrist.

“Did you have dinner yet?”

“Dinner? Uh?” Joohyun removes her hand to glance down at her watch and Seulgi nearly sighs with relief.

“Manager Bae hasn’t eaten dinner yet,” Yerim chimes in. Joohyun looks up with a frown, avoiding Seulgi’s disappointed gaze.

“Unnie, it’s almost 7… didn’t you say you only had coffee for lunch?”

“There’s a big deadline and we’re working with a company in a different time zone.”

“The Friday presentation?”

Joohyun nods. Seulgi had remembered her mentioning it the other night after coming home around 10pm for the third time last week. 

“My wife works too hard,” Seulgi jokes, feeling her face warm. She ignores the collective gasp around her.

“I’m sorry. Does it… make you lonely being home alone so often?”

Seulgi can barely look at Joohyun and the way her face seems to be too honest. There’s been something new in the other woman’s eyes these days and Seulgi doesn’t dare try to put a name to it.

“A little. Could we have dinner together tonight? I can wait downstairs for you since it seems you’re busy.” Seulgi glances toward the employee who’d been talking to Joohyun at their computer earlier. They’re unabashedly staring at the two of them with a hanging jaw.

“Wait for me?”

“Yeah, I’ll wait for you until you’re done. I don’t want to interrupt anything. Your work’s important, Unnie.”

Joohyun frowns and glances behind her.

“We’ve… everyone we can finish for the day. We’ve been working hard for the past week. Burning ourselves out before we present isn’t the best idea.”

Everyone seems to let out a collective sigh of relief. People start walking back to their desks, most likely trying to leave before Joohyun changes her mind.

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“You’re not. Would you like to meet me down in the lobby while I clean my desk for the evening?”

“I’ll come with you.”

Joohyun nods and turns on her heel, Seulgi dutifully following behind her. Curious employees meet Seulgi’s eyes and she simply smiles with successive bows. At the end of the rows of desks is an office partitioned off by a glass door.

It isn’t a huge space but it has a small table with a few chairs and an electric kettle for guests. Seulgi’s eyes widen as she gazes at the impressive bookshelves behind an imposing desk stacked with folders and various tablets and USBs. Curiously, she starts to walk toward a book on the shelf when she catches sight of Joohyun’s wallpaper on her desktop.

It’s their wedding registration picture.

Seulgi doesn’t quite know what to say, staring at the image for a long moment in confusion. The quality is surprisingly good, capturing the flush of Seulgi’s cheeks and the shine in Joohyun’s eyes as she smiles. They look… happy.

“What do you want for dinner?” Joohyun asks casually as she puts a few items into her purse, oblivious to the way Seulgi feels like she’s been thrown off the edge of a cliff.

“Uh… would it be easier to get take-out? I don’t want you to get too tired from cooking.”

Joohyun looks back at Seulgi, seeming to mull something over for a moment before turning back to turn off her computer.

“I’ve never had someone do this sort of thing before. Even friends get intimidated to come visit me at work.”

“Mm. I just thought about you as I was going home and I wanted to eat dinner with you.”

“I’ll… I’ll try to come home on time more often. I don’t want you to feel like I’ve abandoned you for my job. I saw enough of that in my parent’s marriage.”

Seulgi says nothing, silently taking this new piece of information and tucking it gently away. This person she’s been forced to marry is a confusing thing, a myriad of little facts and stories that Seulgi still hasn’t managed to completely understand. A puzzle still missing pieces.

“Thanks, Unnie.”

Joohyun nods to herself as she shoulders her bag and leads Seulgi outside, her blazer slung over an arm. They nearly run into a woman waiting next to Joohyun’s office.

“Oh, Team Leader Son, everyone can go home now. I’m satisfied with the projections on this quarter’s performance.”

“R-really? I was feeling my second wind from the Vita-500 I just drank.”

“Well, I want to eat dinner with my wife now.”

“Your wife?”

Seulgi feels her face flush as she awkwardly peeks from behind Joohyun and bows.

“Hello, I’m Kang Seulgi… Manager Bae’s wife.”

“Oh! Oh, wow. I’m Son Seungwan, one of the team leads under Manager Bae. I’m sorry I didn’t give my congratulations earlier on your marriage, Manager Bae. I didn’t notice you had a ring or anything.”

Joohyun hums, glancing over at Seulgi in confusion before tilting her head at the other woman.

“A ring?”

“Don’t most married couples have rings? Or are you planning to exchange those later?”

Seulgi bites her lip.

Although wedding rings had not been required for marriage prior to the BMM, people seemed to buy rings these days as a means of showing off being matched. It made sense since the couple ring culture had faded away with the understanding that dating was pointless with the marriage registry giving you your future match. Better to focus on studying hard to go to a good school and get a good job rather than date with the foolish hope for an impossible future.

Seulgi had simply thought that Joohyun didn’t really care for the symbol of the rings. She’d personally been grateful that she didn’t have to feel that extra reminder of her new life attached to her wherever she went.

“Oh. That’s right, huh.”

“It’s fine. I don’t need a physical reminder that I’m married. I can look at my marriage registration form when I want to remember. It’s cheaper that way.”

Team Leader Son throws back her head with a laugh and Seulgi tries to ignore Joohyun’s staring.

“Well that makes sense. It’s probably why no one had any idea you were married, Manager Bae. You’ll invite us to the ceremony though, right?”

“Yes. Yes, of course.”

Team Leader Son nods with a smile and with a short bow walks back to her desk.

“Shall we go?” Seulgi asks, turning back to Joohyun. The other woman is pursing her lips in thought but she nods absentmindedly, grabbing the inside of Seulgi’s arm.

“Let’s go home.”

Seulgi swallows at the words, being dragged past the rows of desks and curious employees to the elevator. Joohyun’s hand suddenly shifts against the bare skin of Seulgi’s forearm and she hears a quiet laugh.

“Kang Seulgi, were you so bored you were drawing on yourself during break?”

“Oh! No, Unnie, we had art class today and some of the kids wanted to draw more so I figured drawing on me was better than wasting paper.”

Seulgi swallows at the way Joohyun slides tentative fingers along the crumbly pastel drawing of a cat.

“Is this Lulu?”

“Yeah. I show my classes pictures of my cats sometimes. I promised I would try to bring them to school if the kids are really good. I’m not sure about Lulu though since she doesn’t like being held.”

“I liked Lulu.”

“Because she stayed away from you.”

Joohyun smiles as she tilts her head up to meet Seulgi’s eyes and her throat’s suddenly dry. There is something too honest about the way Joohyun is looking at her and Seulgi can’t quite meet her gaze. She looks down at Joohyun’s hand, still gently clasping her arm.

“It’s sweet that you let those kids draw all over you. You really care about them.”

“I do. That’s why I’m really grateful-”

Seulgi shuts her mouth, pausing. She can feel Joohyun tense next to her in confusion. It’s not that Seulgi doesn’t trust Joohyun about her upcoming interview for Mr. Min’s position. It’s just that Seulgi has been careful to not reveal all of herself to Joohyun right away. She can at least have a choice in how much she shares with her wife in this arranged marriage.

But then she glances at Joohyun who tugs her forward toward the opening elevator doors and Seulgi thinks maybe she can choose to tell her wife this much.

“There’s actually a spot open for a full-time position. At my school.”

“Really? Will you apply?”

Seulgi nods, jaw clenching as the elevator doors begin to close and she sees a glimpse of Yerim and Team Leader Son stepping out of the office. She tentatively raises a hand to wave and they both enthusiastically return the gesture.

“That’s great, Seulgi-yah. When’s the interview?”

“Um, next Monday. They’re sort of rushing the process because Mr. Min, the teacher I’d be replacing, needs to urgently take care of his wife. It’s sort of awkward having to leave during the middle of the year so they’re keeping the application process exclusive to our school. Since it’s such short notice.”

“I’ll make you breakfast on Monday then. Do you want me to do a mock interview with you this weekend?”

“Oh, Unnie, you don’t have to. I’m sure you’ll be busy-”

Joohyun makes a warning sound as the elevator doors open and they walk into the underground parking lot.

“I can make time for you. If you… if you let me know what you need from me I can try to be helpful. I just want to make things easier for you in whatever way I can.”

Seulgi swallows as they get to Joohyun’s car and the other woman finally lets go of her arm. Seulgi just stands very still, hand hovering over the door latch but not quite managing to let herself in. She must be taking too long because she startles as the car purrs to life and the window closest to her rolls down, revealing Joohyun’s concerned face.

“Seulgi-yah? Do you need help getting in?”

“I can do it myself, Unnie,” she says with an awkward laugh before opening the door and getting into the car. 

**Day 121**

Seulgi wakes slowly, blinking as she takes in the top of Joohyun’s head. She exhales slowly, gently reaching down to tug away the other woman’s hands. She smiles when she hears sleepy protests as Joohyun curls into Seulgi’s side of the bed as she sits up.

At first Joohyun had been embarrassed upon finding out about her sleep habit of cuddling but Seulgi had just feigned indifference despite how loudly her heart had pounded in her ears afterward. Now, Joohyun doesn’t even bother acting ashamed as she simply snuggles against Seulgi’s pillow. Seulgi swallows as she stares down at the other woman, eyes tracing the curve of her cheeks and the purse of her lips.

She reaches forward and carefully tucks a strand of hair behind Joohyun’s ear, her fingertips grazing soft skin. It’s then that she opens her eyes. There is something arresting about Joohyun’s gaze and Seulgi can’t find it in herself to blush or pull away. She just stills, brushing her thumb along the curve of the other woman’s cheek.

“Good morning,” Seulgi murmurs.

“Morning,” Joohyun replies, voice husky from sleep.

And yet neither of them move. They’re both still staring at each other, paralyzed by how strangely fragile this moment feels. Seulgi worries that if she moves something will happen that she can’t take back. So little of her life these days is within her control. Yet her heart is the one thing she thinks she can keep as hers alone.

“We watched this before.”

“What?”

“This happened in a movie I watched with you.”

“Probably.”

Joohyun suddenly sits up and Seulgi’s hand falls to the bed.

“Do you remember what happened next?”

Seulgi swallows as Joohyun rests her hand over Seulgi’s, her long dark hair covering her face as she looks down at their hands.

“Maybe.”

“They kissed.”

Seulgi turns her face away, gazing at their bedside table. Looking at Joohyun right now feels unbearable.

“Unnie.”

“I… Does this… being with me … make you feel anything?”

Joohyun presses her face against Seulgi’s shoulder, her lips ghosting over the thin material. She finds herself clutching the bedsheets so tightly her knuckles ache.

Seulgi thinks of the graduate school flyers she still receives in her email inbox that she couldn’t bear to delete. She thinks of the art books hidden in a bag deep in their shared closet with tickets to museums that had visiting exhibits from Europe. She thinks of crying watching those stupid banned movies in high school because she will never have that spontaneous meeting with someone who she will grow to love by choice.

She feels Joohyun pause in her ministrations, hand gently squeezing.

“When I’m around you sometimes everything feels so _much_. No one has ever made me feel this way before.”

Seulgi says nothing as Joohyun sighs against her and she can’t help the way she leans into the other woman. Even though it’s the end of summer, the warmth shared between them is comforting like the reliable ending of a favorite movie. When Joohyun’s hand starts to move toward Seulgi’s waist, she stiffens.

“Unnie, please.”

“I’m sorry. You’re just so…”

Joohyun looks up and their faces as so close that leaning forward would be so easy. But Seulgi resists, instead smiling tightly before getting out of bed and sliding on her slippers. She tries not to look back at Joohyun watching her as she gets out of the room to take a long shower.

When she steps out of the bathroom, clutching the ends of the towel wrapped around her neck, she spies Joohyun sitting quietly on the couch sipping a glass of orange juice.

“Seulgi-yah, can you come home a little early from your party?”

She hides her smile as she pretends to pat the bottom half of her face dry. Seulgi had surprisingly been offered the position vacated by Mr. Min after only one round of interviews. She supposes the process could afford to be shortened since the panel of interviewers were all her coworkers who she’d interviewed with for other positions over the years. Regardless, it still had felt amazing to get a slap on the back from Sooyoung and a jubilant phone call from Byulyi.

Even Joohyun had bought her a bouquet of sunflowers that are in a vase sitting on the kitchen table.

“Hm? Sure, Unnie. Principal Song is gonna be there so I doubt we’ll go past 9. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. I just want to give you something. And maybe we can watch a movie afterwards? There’s a theater I read about that screens foreign films nearby. They have late night showings on Fridays and Saturdays.”

Seulgi stares at Joohyun who is looking straight ahead, quietly sipping on her juice. It’s a little incredible how easily she can go from nearly kissing Seulgi to casually asking her out on a date. There’s not even a blush on her cheeks or the usual nervous handwringing.

“Sure, Unnie. I’ll look forward to it.”

When Joohyun looks up at her, eyes wide and trusting, something in Seulgi twists but her smile does not falter once as she turns back to their bedroom to get ready for work.

**Day 122**

This time when Seulgi wakes, the ceiling is unfamiliar. Strobing lights are coming from the corner of the room, making the ceiling pulse in gaudy rainbows of color. She can faintly hear off tune singing on the other side of the wall she’s leaning against.

With a groan she shifts, her head throbbing from the alcohol that nearly makes her heave into the nearest trash can. Seulgi swallows and shakily reaches for a half empty bottle of water among the green bottles of soju on the table next to her.

“Seemed like a fun party.”

Seulgi turns slowly and sees Joohyun standing in the doorway, dressed in loose fitting clothing and a low-brimmed ball cap.

“It was.” Seulgi finishes the bottle and sighs as she bows her head, trying to make everything stop spinning.

“You seemed to have so much fun that you forgot a few things.”

Seulgi flinches when she feels Joohyun’s hand on her shoulder. She shrugs it off as she uses the table in front of her to shakily get to her feet.

“Everyone was apparently so drunk that the manager for the _noraebang_ had to be brought in. Miss Park somehow got my phone number and called me to help so I got here about an hour ago. Made sure everyone got a taxi home. And the tab was completely paid for.”

“Must be nice. To just cleanly make all those problems disappear.”

Seulgi looks up at Joohyun and the other woman is frowning at her in barely concealed confusion.

“Well it wasn’t exactly nice. Falling asleep on the couch waiting for my wife to come home after not responding to my calls and texts isn’t the best feeling.”

“I’m sorry,” Seulgi mutters, not quite able to meet Joohyun’s eyes. She can feel the anger and frustration that she’d so desperately tried to drink away boil to the surface.

“Did something happen? You’ve never really gotten this drunk before.”

“We’ve only lived together for a few months, Unnie. That’s not a very long time to know me.”

“Mm.”

Seulgi swallows as she staggers forward, ignoring the way Joohyun raises her arms as if to help her. She stumbles hard into the wall next to the door, breathing a little heavily as she tries to get control of her limbs. It’s embarrassing that she’s so drunk in front of the last person she wants to see.

“Seulgi-yah. I know we haven’t known each other for very long but you can talk to me. If something’s bothering you.”

A warm hand rests against Seulgi’s back and she feels tears sting the corners of her eyes.

“Why’d you do it, Unnie?”

“What?”

Seulgi turns to look at Joohyun, her stupidly beautiful face blurry through the tears.

“I was in the bathroom at dinner and I overheard. How _lucky_ I was that my wife cared enough to personally call Principal Song and express interest in her company covering the art supplies for all the art classes at our school. And how things really seemed to be looking up for me after 2 years of failing interview after interview. Since I now have a wife who rubs elbows with politicians and _chaebol_ CEOs.”

“Seulgi-yah.”

“You don’t get what it’s like… I just wanted to have one thing that _I_ chose. That _I_ earned! Why’d you have to… why’d you have to take that away from me, Unnie?”

Seulgi doesn’t care that she’s crying as she rubs at her face with her hands, taking big gulping breaths as all her frustration and despair pours out of her. She presses hard against her eyes, trying to make the woman in front of her disappear.

“You don’t understand, there were people that were calling on behalf of the other candidates. It wouldn’t have been fair if I hadn’t called, too-”

“So I’m just supposed to use my wife’s wealth and power to get a full-time teaching position? Is that really what you think I’d want?”

“I want you to use me when you can, Seulgi-yah. What’s the point of this arrangement if you can’t use something that I’m more than happy to give?”

“So then what do you want from me? If you expect me to just take from you what should I expect you to take from me?”

Joohyun looks up at Seulgi with wide eyes as Seulgi suddenly grabs the other woman’s shoulders.

“Do you want my body? Is that what you meant by yesterday morning? If I give you that will you consider us even?”

Joohyun’s face twists and she grabs Seulgi’s wrists with trembling hands.

“How could you… how could you even think that’s what I’d want? I would never force myself on you. I would never make you do something you didn’t want.”

“But that’s what you did, Unnie. You didn’t ask permission from me! You just did it!”

“I was trying to make you happy!”

Seulgi lets out a choked sob, hating the wave of hopelessness that hits her at the words she’s heard repeated in some form over hundreds of different movies.

“But you didn’t. You didn’t make me happy at all.”

Joohyun exhales sharply and Seulgi can’t even look at her. She’s afraid of what she’ll see.

“Fine. You know, Kang Seulgi, I’ve been trying my best to make you happy. My parents, they begged me not to enter into the marriage registry because they wanted me to get married to some rich heiress through their own backdoor arrangements. But I said no because I wanted to have one thing in my life that wasn’t perfectly planned out for me. And I met you. And I really…”

Seulgi doesn’t look up, knowing the sight of Joohyun’s face may weaken her resolve.

“If you knew I haven’t been happy, why didn’t you just talk to me about it? Why did you have to just act without thinking about my own feelings?”

“What was I going to ask? ‘You seem miserable in this marriage. Want to divorce?’”

“That is an option,” Seulgi says hollowly. She hears Joohyun’s sharp inhale and knows instantly she’s made a mistake. Honestly, Seulgi, despite the moments of broody self-introspection she’s been prone to, has never quite entertained the idea of divorce. It feels so taboo and forbidden, a topic virtually unexplored outside of grim internet threads and vague stories heard by word of mouth. She’d never be able to be matched to another person via the registry again. She’d lose the government provided marriage subsidy with complimentary maternity leave and bonus health care benefits. There’d be a mark of shame on her and her family forever.

“You… you want to get a divorce?”

“I said it’s an option.” Seulgi looks up and swallows as Joohyun raises her chin so that they meet each other’s eyes. Despite the height difference, Seulgi feels intimidated by the way the other woman’s gaze seems to be burning with some sort of feeling barely under control. She can see a hint of the steel that Joohyun must display at work in the set of her mouth and the stiffness of her shoulders. She drops Seulgi’s wrists and takes a step back.

Seulgi watches wordlessly as the other woman bows her head, hands clenching and unclenching into tight fists. She feels like she should take the words back and apologize but she doesn’t exactly know if she’d mean it. The alcohol certainly doesn’t help her processing. Those confusing feelings are enough to delay the response she should be giving. And it’s enough time for Joohyun to raise her head and look at Seulgi with the coldest eyes she’s ever seen.

“Fine. Let’s get a divorce. This marriage benefits you more than me anyway. Why should I even bother trying to fight it if that’s what you want?”

Seulgi stares in disbelief at Joohyun, not quite believing the disdainful tone she’s hearing in the other woman’s voice.

“Benefits me more than you… why? Because my dad works at a small company and my mom works part-time at a restaurant? Because I’ve never lived in the kind of apartment your parents bought for us? Because I’ve never had the luxury of using my privilege and connections to make all of my dreams come true?”

Joohyun’s mouth turns down and her shoulders drop.

“That’s not… I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then what did you mean? Tell me what you meant!”

Seulgi is crying again but this time it is anger that makes her scrub at the tears trickling out of the corner of her eyes with a furious back of her hand. Joohyun doesn’t seem to have an answer, just looking at her a little helplessly.

“I’m… I’m going to stay at my parent’s house tonight. I need some space.”

“You’re drunk and it’s nearly 4 in the morning. At least go home first and then you can visit later in the afternoon after you’ve cleaned up.”

“I can’t… I can’t stand to be alone with you for another second.”

Seulgi stares at Joohyun whose eyes widen in shock. The other woman lowers her head before Seulgi can register completely if she’d seen hurt make her lips tremble.

“Fine. Let me call you a cab at least. You aren’t taking a bus or subway to Ansan right now.”

“I’ll do it. I have the app on my phone. Just… you go home first.”

Joohyun says nothing as Seulgi heavily sits down and pulls her phone from her bag. She can feel Joohyun staring at her as she brings her phone practically to her face as she selects her pick-up location and destination. There is something different about how Joohyun’s staring feels this time. It isn’t thick with a want that Seulgi is afraid of. It’s laced with heavy regret that makes Seulgi think Joohyun’s on the cusp of apologizing. But she hears nothing as she puts down her phone and sits in this terrible silence only broken by the faint sounds of off-key singing and shaking tambourines.

“Arriving in 3 minutes.”

“Good. Can you… can you get downstairs by yourself? Or can I help you?”

Seulgi just sighs as she rises again and shouldering her bag, walks out the door without giving Joohyun a second glance. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy valentine's day!!! :D

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed~ 
> 
> come yell at me at either @thewoundupbird1or the-woundupbird.tumblr.com


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